


The Ocean

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Gen, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-06 20:57:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10344420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: Daniel wants to see the ocean.SPOILERS: A bit from FIAD





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

The Ocean

 

 

***

***

The ocean. 

It feels like the world is ending. 

No, not 'the end of the world--the Armageddon' kind of feeling I've had way too many chances to experience over the last few years.  What I'm feeling now is the world ending slowly and in tranquility. 

It's a good feeling. 

It fills the dark void inside me. 

One evening, about a year before my parents died in the New York Museum of Art, Mom took me to the beach near the place we were staying at that time.  I remember being fascinated by the continuous movement of the waves as they persistently brushed against the sand. 

Mom was standing close to me, her arms tightly wrapped around my shoulder.  Her hair was bathed in gold from the twilight.  Oh, I loved her so much. 

She whispered to me softly in her sweet voice, "Look at the horizon, Danny.  It's like the world is ending right there, at the point where the sky meets the sea." 

"But," I answered, remembering something I'd read from the books Dad had given me before school started, "the world is round.  The horizon we see is not the end of the world." 

She had that 'look' on her face, the one she gave me whenever I did something to make her proud.  I loved the way her eyes glittered like crystals in the bright sunlight.  I had no clue what I had done to make her proud of me this time, but just seeing her eyes looking at me like that made me incredibly happy.  "Yes, that's right, Danny.  Earth is round.  I was talking about the world as we see it." 

She watched the waves for a moment and continued again, "The sea is a peculiar thing.  It gives us the strongest sense of infinity, yet at the same time, the strongest sense of... an ending." 

She didn't say anything for a while, deep in thought.  Then some moments later she whispered quietly as if she was talking to herself, "It's a promise.  Where there's an ending, there's always a beginning." 

Her words were mysterious to me as always.  After a few moments of pondering, I decided I didn't understand.  But, as a proud seven-year-old boy, I answered as if I understood everything, "I guess." 

She watched me for a while with her loving eyes, then stifled a laugh that sounded like an angel's singing to my ears. 

While living on Abydos, one of the few things I missed about Earth was the salty scent of the ocean.  But when I finally came back to Earth, naturally there were a lot of more important things on my mind than going to see the ocean. 

Today - or actually, is it yesterday now?-  while sitting comfortably in my office, categorizing the artifacts gathered from planet P3X256, I was suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to go to see the ocean.  I had tons of things to translate, reports to write and a promise to a certain colonel I'd go to the upcoming hockey game with him. 

But I just had to go. 

I grabbed my wallet and the keys.  Hurriedly putting on my jacket, I opened the door... bumping directly into Sam, who was about to knock on it. 

"Hey, Daniel," said Sam, already smiling. 

"Oh Hi, Sam," I answered, feeling awkward. 

She stared.  "Where're you going?" 

If I wasn't so out of my mind at that time I wouldn't have told her the truth.  But I *was* out of my mind and the answer just rolled out from my mouth. "I'm going to see the ocean." 

"What?" Sam was puzzled. 

"Uh, I'm going to see the ocean." 

She looked at me, worried, "Daniel, this is Colorado.  There's no ocean near here." 

Even months after Sha're's death, Jack, Sam and Teal'c were constantly hovering over me like protective hawks.  I knew they were seriously worried that I'd snap and blow up really soon.  I was tired.  Tired of pretending, tired of keep myself going, tired of wishing for the impossible happy ending.  Tired of everything. 

"And you think I don't know that?  There's such a thing as an airplane.  You should know.  You're *Air Force*.  That thing takes you to the places far, far away... well, at least on Earth anyway.  We're stood down for a week, and I don't have to be here," I answered too sharply. 

Seeing the hurt look on her face I instantly regretted what I'd said. "I'll be back really soon.  Um, I'm, uh, just gonna go now." 

Embarrassed, I turned around, ready to walk away as soon as possible, then I heard her soft voice. "Wait, Daniel.  I'll go with you." 

I wanted to yell, if I'd wanted company, I'd have asked Jack.  I don't need any company.  I want to be alone.  Can't you see? 

But when I turned around, I found that Sam was smiling at me.  If she'd had that Girl Scout's 'Gotta save the puppy' look on her face, I would've yelled right at her.  However she gave me her prettiest smile, and repeated sincerely, "I want to go with you." 

It was the smile she'd given me when I'd come back after quitting the SGC.  No, wait, that didn't really happen.  It only happened in my head.  But still, who could say no to a friend's smile which says so much about how much she cares about you? 

Well, not me anyway. 

About an hour later we were at the airport.  We didn't get anything from home or change clothes.  Thankfully, we both were wearing civvies at that time so there was no problem.  Sam didn't say much on the way to the airport.  The only thing she asked me was where did I want to go.  It didn't matter where.  I just wanted to see the ocean. 

"In that case," Sam said with a twinkle in her eyes, "I know a perfect place.  My family went there on vacation a few times." 

She went to buy the tickets and I called Jack, told him that I would be out of town for a day or two.  Well, I actually talked to his answering machine, relieved that he wasn't home.  I knew for a fact if I had actually spoken to him, he would never have let me go without him.  I also knew he'd be worried to sick and I felt the twinge of guilt.  But I just wanted to go - right away.  I needed to see the ocean and feel the breeze on my face. 

On the plane, Sam and I purposefully avoided serious topics.  She told me of her childhood adventures with her brother and I told her about the excavation sites I've visited while writing my dissertation.   Consuming way too much peanuts and lots of orange juice, we just talked and laughed. 

The flight was over before I knew it.  Sam definitely knew her way around.  After getting off the plane, she quickly got a cab for us and directed the driver.  Soon, we were here. 

It was already night.  I couldn't see anything but the dark body of water in front of me. 

The ocean. 

There were logs strewn all over the beach.  Feeling my legs buckling, I collapsed on one. Sam saw me shiver and suddenly there was a comfortable blanket around me. 

"Where did you get that?" I asked, incredulous. 

"Magic," Sam answered with a mischievous smile. 

At that, I couldn't help but smile. I sat here all night, saying nothing.  Sam sat beside me, also silent.  I didn't know what I was doing here, but I knew something was supposed to happen.  Something had to happen.  To finish.  To end. 

It was the ocean.  The end of the world. 

And I was here. 

The sun was about to rise.  I watched in silence, thinking nothing in particular.  Sam was still there beside me.  If she was waiting for me to say something or to tell her the reason behind my strange actions, she didn't show it. 

"Thanks, Sam." 

She smiled gracefully, "Do you like this place?" 

"Yeah.  It's beautiful.  I haven't, um, haven't been to the beach for a while..." My voice came out so low and quiet, I wondered if she heard me. 

She did hear it and answered, "Me, neither." 

I sighed and let the words out, "I'm sorry, Sam."  My voice wasn't shaking that much.  Thank God. 

She watched me intensely with her clear blue eyes and quietly spoke up, "Daniel, just don't forget I'm your friend.  The Colonel, Teal'c, me...we're all your friends." 

"I know."  I tried to smile, but failed. 

"Sometimes," Sam swallowed hard, "sometimes I feel that you see us as strangers." 

"What?"  What was she talking about? 

"It's," She fidgeted uncomfortably, "it's like the feeling that... I'm standing here with the Colonel and Teal'c but...you, you're standing an arm's length away and we can't reach you. You just stand there and don't let anyone come close, not since Sha're's...death." 

I couldn't speak.  For the happiest year of my life, Sha're was my everything.  She was the world.  I couldn't belong to another family, to another world.  I didn't want my friends to feel that I cared only for Sha're but if I was to let them in, it felt to me as if I was letting her go.  I couldn't.  Not when I couldn't even save her. 

Sha're was my world. 

But I was hurting my friends so much...

"Sha're is gone, Daniel.  I'm so sorry."

Maybe it was what I needed to hear.  Sha're was gone and never coming back.  It was that simple.  She was gone. 

She was gone. 

Finally I choked the words out.  "Sam, the ocean...  It feels like the world is ending now." 

She replied, her voice strangely assuring, "Yeah, but after an ending, there's always a beginning." 

I turned to her, surprised.  She was giving me that smile again.  Behind her warm smile, I saw the hope for a beginning. 

The sun is rising now.  Its light reflects on the sea, glittering, glistening, blinding my eyes. 

The waves.  They keep coming and coming.  Nothing stops them.  There's the ocean. 

It is an end of my world. 

But I know there'll be a beginning. 

I feel the streams of tears coming out.  Sam is here with me, gathering me into her arms like Jack did some time ago. 

In my friend's arms, I cry. 

And I say good bye to the love of my life. 

***

  


* * *

>   
> © February 29, 2000 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

* * *

  


##### Oh, wow.  My first post.  Excited and...well, embarrassed.:)   Um, this story has nothing to do with the saga I've been working on for months.  This just came to me yesterday and I had no choice but to write.  And one warning.  English is not my first language.  I still have a great deal to learn.  I wouldn't have been able to write anything without the help of some great, great people.  Phee, Debby, Nausica.  This is for you guys.  Thank you so much for walking me through the creative process with sensitivity and insight.

* * *

  



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